| 1 The Subliminal Keyes
To-day's little pricks Delivered gently Mean fewer big pricks Subsequently. |
2 | M | a | c | h | i | n | e
| R | e | a | d | a | b | l | e| | I | | w | o | n | d | e
| r | | i | f | | m | y |
| P | o | e | m | s | | w | o | u | l | d | | b | e | | C | u | t | e | r | | I f | | t | h | e | y | | w | e | r | e | | R | e | a | d | a | b | l | e | | b | y | | a | | C | o | m | p | u | t | e | r | . | |
3 Peace in the
Middle East Menahem and Anwar and Walter Have started negotiation. But heavens! What happens now When Walter goes off on vacation? |
| 4 Nuclear Powered
Satellite Now I lay me Down to sleep. I pray NORAD my soul to keep. |
5 Clutter
I know my desk is A mess. It's been so since way Back when. I ought to clean it I guess But how will I find Things again? |
6 Close-Knit
No matter how fair Or foul the weather My paper clips always Hang together. |
| 7 Junky
Our postoffice handles a Million letters a day And I'd swear that every one of them Comes my way. |
8 Contestant
I always subscribe to Their magazines. The prizes just make me Drool. But the only time I Hear from them Is when I'm up for Renewal. |
9 Heavy Load
Speaking of the Times On Sunday You mean all that is Just for one day? |
| 10 Gresham's Law
We live in a Peculiar age When using words is All the rage. And it really is A thing to see When they replace Reality. |
11 Down With
Gobbledegook As surely as my name Is Keyes I never will Prioritize! |
12 Happy Hour
That's an expansive Name to use When all we want is A little booze. |
| 13 Real Posh
Rather than eating More than my fill I'd like to be able To pay the bill. |
14 Quaker
I
What Should I Wear?
I think I'll go To Meeting to-day But I can't dress up Or they'll frown. So unless I can find Something in-between I guess I'll have to Dress down. |
15 Quaker
II
Hard of Hearing
The planet's gotten Noisy, God, And I don't always Hear with ease. I think that it would Help if you Could speak a little Louder, please. |
| 16 Quaker
III
Meeting for Business
Whenever I have to decide something I never like to Hurry. I always want to Make sure I have Plenty of time to Worry. |
17 Quaker
IV
Diet for a
Small Meeting Since our Earth is really So very small And its scanty resources Getting thinner Thee should exercise care In thinking about What thee should bring to the Pot-luck dinner. |
18 Sweet Charity
In order for givers To feel themselves Bless-ed There must be receivers Whose psyches get Mess-ed. |
| 19 Please Fence Me In
Somehow I just can't Comprehend Space and time that Have no end. |
20 Responsibility
If saving the world Were not so hard I think I'd have time To mow the yard. |
21 The Ecologist
Across the lawn Weeds march apace And struggle with the Grass for space. I do not spray Or dig or mow. Engrossed, I only Watch them grow. The neighbors watch Them too, I hear, And wish I didn't Live so near. |
| 22 In the Good Old
Summertime Summertime's my favorite I've loved it through The years — Lazying in the hammock And plugging up My ears. |
23 Don't Handle
With Care I consign to Hell Or even lower The guy who invented The power mower. |
24 Rabbit Food
Knowing that rabbits Have their needs I offer them my Crop of weeds. But exercising Rabbit power They dine instead on Cauliflower. |
| 25 Not so Handy Man
To hit the nail on The head is great They say. But I wish my thumb Wouldn't always get In the way. |
26 The Great Indoors
I
My neighbors? Yes, I believe They are there Though I'm never Sure with their Central air. |
27 The Great Indoors
II
It's a good thing we have A spring and a fall Or I'd probably never See them at all! |
| 28 Identity Crisis
I
I wish that bird Outside my door Were just a little bit More tame To give me time To study it And figure out Its proper name. |
29 Identity Crisis
II
Doubtless the bird Will go its way And never give a thought To me In spite of the Importance of My knowing its Identity. |
30 Identity Crisis
III
What difference does It make? The bird Sill eats and flies And mates and sings. But I can't even Think or talk Unless I can give Names to things. |
| 31 The Egg and I
They tell me that eggs Are good for my brains But not for my cardio- Vascular system So now I'm conflicted And can't tell you whether I'm glad or unhappy Whenever I've missed them. |
32 Carcinogens
I think that I would Get on the ball And worry, if I could Remember them all. |
33 Mortality
Think only Of hearses You'll never Write verses. |
| 34 No Rx Please
I think that I'd rather Put up with my ills Than struggle with one of Those bottles of pills. |
35 Extraction
My dentist is very skillful — I hardly feel Any pain. Now can he give My wallet An injection of Novacaine? |
36 Age of Uncertainty
When all those bills Pile up on me From doctor lab and Pharmacy I utter up a Little prayer And send them on to Medicare. |
| 37 Terra Firma
I
Flying first class With all that pizzazz Is really something — Oh brother! A cigar in my mouth A rose in one hand And a glass of champagne in The other! |
38 Terra Firma
II
Keep your champagne and cigars Served by girls who shine like stars. Let me travel on the plain. Love that diner on the train! |
39 Terra Firma
III
I do hope to meet God Up there in heaven But not in a 747. |
| 40 Watch Your Step
I know that walking is Better by far But I only feel safe at The wheel of a car. |
41 Take Your Time
I like coffee I like tea But don't give me instant — No sir-ree! |
42 Christmas Comes...
There's nothing like A firm deadline To make a person Rise and shine. |
| 43 Christmas Card Blues
I
I got out my cards And began at A But only managed Through C. I think next year I'll turn things around And work my way back From Z. |
44 Christmas Card Blues
II
But even that Doesn't sound so good. It's still a confounded Riddle. I guess what I'll do The year after next Is work both ways from The middle. |
45 Christmas Card Blues
III
I think I really Could do much better If every card didn't need A letter. |
| 46 Christmas Card Blues
IV
What happened to all those Other months? I just can't catch up All at once! |
47 Absolute
Certainty Cats that Scratch couches Will hear from Us grouches. |
48 Income Tax
I
I'll have to take A month off I guess To do that research For the IRS. |
| 49 Income Tax
II
Why do they make it Such a caper — Checking thousands of Pieces of paper! |
50 Income Tax
III
I can tell them right now The outlook is dim — The pickings are going to be Mighty slim! |
51 Tax Reduction
When they talk about it Every day My taxes always go the Other way. |
| 52 Family Budget
Why, when it looks So good on Paper Do I still wind up A bottom- Scraper? |
53 Fund Raising
My heart never Hankers to run after Bankers. |
54 Free At Last
When the kids Are away The folks Will play. |
| |
55 Bio-Rhythm
Now I know why Our marriage has lasted And always grown better Rather than worser. The chart shows our moods Neatly counter each other. Thank heavens for that — It could be vice-verser! |
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